Tues 12th June 2018

Today started rather impressively! The boys heard Erika wake up so they came in to see us. “We’re dressed!” says Charley. “We’ve been outside, riding our bikes!” says Ben. Good heavens. Are these MY children??! A bit of sun after a couple of days of rain – oh my heart. This place really IS doing them good. For them to feel so free to just go out and grab their bikes for a ride around is amazing and wonderful.

They evidently didn’t quite shut the front door properly afterwards though and halfway through breakfast TigerMochi appeared and decided to come up and join us at the table!

She is being taught to keep paws off the table, though. It’s so lovely seeing how much the boys have both fallen in love with her.

She fell asleep near the window a bit later and it turns out Charley had been seeing if she was sleeping by putting magnetic letters on her. I *may* have switched out one of the letters for another though…. once a smeghead always a smeghead I suppose 😂

She has also discovered where her humans go at night. And that the window is open, even if the opening is covered in mesh to stop the bugs getting in at night. Night before last it was Smudge miaowing at the window and investigating the fly screen waking Steve up, last night it was TigerMochi waking me up. Thoroughly confusing being light and Steve still being asleep!

I didn’t really feel like writing about yesterday because there just didn’t seem to be much to say. I fed the kids, and at least Erika and I were dressed, but I only really got that far because it was a school night (which was good, and totally worth making the effort to get out to, because I finally “got” three separate things that have been really bothering me, and it’s always lovely to spend time with Chaine as we walk to or from class). Lethargy is being a bit of a killer at the moment though and I think I discovered why today. I decided to do a bit of reading up about executive function and after reading a couple of articles I found one that managed to explain things in an actual relatable way that felt like they were actually describing me. It’s worth reading, it gives quite an insight into an autistic mind.

Kind of begins to make sense why things take as much effort as they do, really. And also made me realise that, with all the additional behind the scenes stuff going on in my head at the moment, it IS a big deal to get out of bed and actually manage to do anything. But, procrastination is now something I know I can learn to figure out ways to trick myself around – and I kind of realised that already the other day, sitting slumped on the kitchen floor feeling utterly defeated over something, then trying to move and neither my arms or legs would respond. When you realise a lot of this really actually is in your head, you still have a massive obstacle to get past, but you can trick yourself into responding. If I make a flash decision to move and follow through quickly, ta-daa I’m up. Takes a surprising amount of mental energy to do that when you’re in a slump though.

Last night I went to bed having decided to try to make an effort to beat the lethargy today, knowing I might not, but deciding to try anyway. As an incentive I started off a batch of sourdough before going to bed. And I kind of did beat the lethargy. I achieved laundry and breadmaking, I went outside with Erika, and did extra mum-ing while Steve stayed very late at work trying to fix something. It came at a cost and I was spent by the time Steve did get home. And Erika napped which these days is a mixed blessing – it gives us a bit of respite in the day just when we need it most, but it means she struggles to fall asleep even more at night. It did mean I could cook tea for the boys today though.

A shudder for today – Erika came out strawberry picking with me, the weather forecast was showing rain and a possible thunderstorm in the afternoon (neither of which materialised) so I wanted to check on the garden and see if my little plants were still all there (they are!).

We picked strawberries together and took them back indoors to wash. Just enough for the strawberry fiend that is Charley, who will happily also eat the odd green strawberry if there aren’t enough ripe ones.

She nibbled one and decided she didn’t fancy any so we gave them to Charley (I had one as well – they taste incredible!). I left my phone on the table when we got back inside (no pockets today) and when I came back to it there was a tick crawling across the screen. A tick. On my phone. Urrrgh. I don’t actually remember but I must have put it down on the ground at some point while we were outside picking berries. It honestly makes me want to burn the whole strawberry patch and start again if it’s infested with ticks too.

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