Fri 27th April 2018


I’ve had a funny few nights recently, one night I suddenly started sobbing remembering Charley’s distress under sedation (which he thankfully has forgotten, but I have not as I knew it would be), the next night I woke up early having dreamt Steve had left me which was a bit horrid to say the least, and last night I couldn’t sleep for toothache and Erika is super clingy at the moment too and was glued to me so I couldn’t just get up to find painkillers. So I’m a little short on sleep, and as Steve’s been out to dinner with work stuff the past couple of nights I’ve been on my own with the kids so have been staying up until I’m falling asleep on the sofa to get even the tiniest bit of alone time.

Anyway point is I’m tired. But! It’s National Prayer Day today (public holiday) so Steve was off work again (and is taking Monday and Tuesday off too so another super long weekend) and guess what time he woke up with his alarm clock switched off? Yeah 6.30am… it meant he got a cup of coffee in peace though!

I have been so grumpy today, eventually I had to take myself away to hide because I couldn’t trust myself to not be grouchy or sarcastic or horrible, especially to Steve. Every time I went into the living room Erika clung to me and wailed if I put her down, and I was struggling with sensory overwhelm and just didn’t want to be near anyone. Hate days like this. Steve sorted her nails out while I hid, and then he and I had some better time together looking for stuff upstairs without the kids once Erika had gone for a nap. It’s good to have the chance to talk about stuff together, without constant interruptions.

When she woke though it was a different story. The boys had so much energy that they were actually bouncing, so I kicked us all outside for a runabout. Steve followed the kids around and I got distracted by digging, the football got stuck in the apple tree requiring Steve to climb up to retrieve it, Erika got bored and went and sat in the porch waiting to be let back inside, but once Steve and the kids went back in to start getting tea sorted I found myself thoroughly distracted by digging up dock plants. Their roots are even more alien ganglion than nettle roots…. I think I managed to get well over a dozen dock plants out (plus I dug up and potted the horse chestnut I’d found growing in a flowerbed, and transplanted some more mystery plants from a raised bed to a pot for observation) before Tiger trotted over obviously very keen for some company and attention. “Stop working and love me” came across loud and clear!


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