Mon 19th Mar 2018

This afternoon I was threatening to spiral, and having to remind myself that multiple fails in a short space of time does not define me as a failure. It just means I’ve learnt a hellova lot in a short space of time. Mainly how NOT to do certain things. BUT: I’ve learnt. So I figured maybe I could spin it on its head and let it define me as a fast learner?!

I learned a hellova lot today.

Like, slightly damp (even if seasoned) wood might warm the radiators up enough so it’s not freezy in the living room (sunshine helps also) but it uses up a lot of wood and doesn’t do much heating.

Like, I still don’t like using leftover oats in cakes, I don’t like their chewy texture.

Like, I have to check the base of the loaf as soon as it comes out to check it’s cooked, and not wait til the butter has soaked in on the top before realising it might not actually be fully cooked.

But. That said, I also learned that even when my head is barely woken up I can manage to bodge together some effort of setting up the furnace even without my usual exactly-the-same-every-day briquette setup, using dry salvaged timber, and charcoal I found in the grate from yesterday. And it lit first time. I can be proud of that. I didn’t know how to set up a fire at all two months ago.

I learned that I can use up leftovers and make a good chocolate cake, even if I didn’t like it the boys and Steve did! I’m a really decent home baker.

And I learned that I can trust my instincts with the sourdough. It was cooked to perfection, and EVEN MY KIDS LOVE IT. I have officially hit nirvana with my breadmaking. That is definitely something to be proud of!!

Today has been a day of two halves, that’s for sure. I will be glad when all the financial stresses of the house move (and country move) are finally over and we can start really enjoying breathing here, instead of feeling like we are relying on breathing here simply to stay alive. We are so close but it feels like this final hurdle is trying to finish us off.

The crocuses have suddenly appeared out of nowhere in the garden, the cats have stopped yowling (better get a safe little cozy nook set up for them in the garage), learning is good, and I’m still breathing.

Also this is the BEST welcome home. I love that I get to experience it as well as Steve. She waits for the bus to go past and then stands in the front window shouting Mama! mama! And then runs to the back window to shout It’s a Mama! Dada dada, it’s a Mama! And then runs to the door to let me in. It’s awesome. I love it.

Erika did not nap today. But she appears to be staying in bed tonight having transferred her an hour ago, so I’m actually getting some downtime tonight before bed! Which is not going to last very long as I’m nodding off writing…


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