Sat 17th Mar 2018

I don’t even know where to start, writing about today.

Erika didn’t stay asleep once I’d got her to bed last night and ended up “helping” me make pancake batter, but at least sleep was what she wanted and once I’d got the last of my evening jobs done (with much grumbling) we snuggled up together in bed and she fell asleep again (properly this time) fairly quickly. But I was trapped so that was that for my precious downtime.

I’ve been in such a bad mood today. I woke up in a grump and I’ve struggled with it all day, trying to either snap out of it or figure out what’s behind it and also trying not to be permanently grumpy with the kids. They have just been their usual selves (maybe a tad more trying than usual?) but my grumpy mood has been affecting my reactions to and interactions with them and that’s unfair on them. I’ve been trying so hard not to be horrid to them though.

Of course part of it was how grouchy I went to bed last night, but part of it is finances and I’d be lying if I said things were peachy. Part of where we are at right now is the transition from one thing to another, it’s a big move but it’s been with the aim of making life cost less overall long term. Right now, as things are still just in the final switching over stage and people and bills still need paying, it’s really really hard to see how we’ll get through to the other side.

The sourdough finally rose enough to bake by this afternoon. We took it out the fridge this morning and it looked like it had still only just started to rise! Left it on the side until mid afternoon and then finally baked it over 24 hours after I’d first left it to prove. It tastes GORGEOUS though. And has that beautiful chewy sourdough texture too. Incredibly impressed, even if it did take over a day to prove!

And I evicted the shrew after realising it was in my box of shopping bags again. Took the box out to the porch, and then emptied it out in the yard. The shrew scampered off to the woodshed, I removed the stale pølsehorn piece it was working on from the box, and that was that. Or so I thought. I heard it rustling about in the box again this evening, it was actually squeaking as it hunted for its precious piece of pølsehorn. I’m not happy. And I’ve heard it rustling around in the living room this evening too where it had been scavenging bits of crisps. But we TIDIED and vacuumed today. There are no crisps on the floor now. GIVE UP, SHREW.

And I’ve used up so much wood today, it’s been bitterly cold again and windy with it, and again the wind has been ripping the heat away so quickly. I almost lost the fire again today but managed to catch it before it was down to just a couple of embers, but that won’t have helped the wood consumption.

Steve’s been out watching the rugby so he’s also had a bit of a disappointing day, and while he was out just to spice up my day as if I wasn’t already fed up enough the gas ran out mid way through boiling the kettle to cook the kids’ dinner. Thank goodness he was on his way home by that point, and thank goodness we already had a new gas bottle here waiting to be connected.

Gah today can get stuffed. Yes I’m journalling it but only to keep it real. It’s been pretty outside, the sourdough tastes amazing, I’ve seen a shrew in real life, I managed to get a shower at last, and Erika napped long enough for me to do a cuff and three rounds of the first sleeve of my cardigan. I’m still grumpy, but there’s always tomorrow.

Let’s see if Erika stays asleep this time.

Nope. Sigh.

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